I will turn 17 next January. Oh, I have spent almost seventeen years of my life in this God’s fascinating creation called Earth. I know that seventeen years is quite long in time, but somehow when I live my life, I sometimes feel like I was just born yesterday; time flies so fast, they say.
I once looked back at what I had done, who I was.
Most things I have done were procrastinations; I never put important things as my priority, and I did those not-so-important things before everything else. Such a true procrastinator.
Second, I was a shy person. I mean, a really shy person. I never dared to start conversation with new people so I always waited for them to start first. I avoided people’s eyes when I talked. I easily got embarrassed. I rarely got involved in school activities. My hands were sweaty and shivering when I had to speak in front of people. I See? That was me.
I have changed in these seventeen years, maybe a lot.
But I’m still myself.
Yes, I still procrastinate (I suppose to do my biology experiment report now instead of blogging), but now I sometimes put the important one as priority. Yes, I choose playing over studying, but I will still study afterwards.
Yes, I’m still a shy person, but only in front of new people. Yes, I still wait for others to start the conversation, but I have tried few times to start it first. Yes, I don’t always look at people’s eyes when I talk, but now I already have guts to make an eye-contact for 5 seconds. Yes, I get embarrassed, but not that much. Yes, I am not involved too much in school activities, but at least I have an experience of becoming the committee of an event. Yes, I get nervous when I have to stand in front of people, but no more shivering and sweats on my hands.
I’m still me, but in a better way.
Also, I realize how much I have grown up.
It started yesterday, when I ate chocolate pudding. I realized that I can now distinguish pudding from jelly. It’s an improvement, right? Well, until couple of months ago, I can hardly identify whether it is a pudding or jelly. How embarrassing.
I have learnt new vocabularies. So, I can improve my writings and replace non-poetic words with iambic phrase.
I dream. I had many dreams when I was a little girl, but most of them were not real because fairytales had influenced me. I dreamt of becoming a princess who had a little fairy, having a unicorn, flying with magic carpet just like what Jasmine and Aladin did. Now I dream of something more real. I dream of having a trip to Switzerland, going to Mecca with my family, building school and hospital for the poors, publishing a novel, being a part of WWF Organization, diving, and traveling to all best sights of the world. Even those are hard to achieve, they can be real, with efforts and prayers.
I learn to take as much opportunities as I can. I had sent my writings to a magazine, even in the end they rejected it and sent it back to me. On October 2012, I tried to send my essay concerning in environmental problems to an online international essay writing competition and it paid off my previous failure; I was listed as one of the winners.
I found courage and went through every problems. I was once in a deep sadness, until I prayed to God. Some people also encouraged me and they told jokes to make me laugh.
I know what sadness is. I used to feel happiness all the time, well I cried, but it’s not similar with the sadness I have felt these recent years.
I feel love. Not that kind of corny love, but that kind of love which give us warmth. I feel love from my family, my friends, and God. I really appreciate God for creating a sweet emotion called love.
The most important thing is, I know and understand my responsibilities; to pray to God, to study, to look after my little sisters (we are not that harmonious though), to make my parents proud and happy.
There is a quote from Abraham Lincoln,
“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
And I think life has filled all my seventeen years up.