Insomnia

It’s 12.45 am when I started writing this. I should have gone to sleep. Alas, insomnia has strucked and won’t let me fall into my deep slumber.

Have you ever felt like not going to sleep?
You simply don’t want the day to change because you had a good day and you have no idea of what tomorrow’s going to be like. All the uncertainties hold you back from living the always-goes-on life. Queasiness is seeping through while the time keeps running, couldn’t be care less about someone who nearly missed the train home.

Times like these make me feel…..sick.

And I think I’ve missed the last train home.

Batas Dunia

Ragu menoleh ketika Pagi menyapa. Takut membuka pintu ketika Siang mengetuk.
Malam membelenggu dan menghantuiku.

“Tinggal lah. Bukankah kamu senang berada disini? Tidak ada kesendirian, ketakutan, dan ketidakpastian. Hanya ada selimut hangat dan ketenangan, seperti yang kamu inginkan.”

Dan ketika aku berada di batas dunia, Malam menang atas diriku.

18022015

Ehm.
Happy birthday, Ma, have a happy year ahead! I’m praying for you to always be under Allah’s protection. I wish you happiness, good health, love, and all best things in the world.

I’m sorry this writing is all I got for now, I haven’t found any decent gift. I’ll try to find a good one and make sure it would not be another 8-months-late birthday gift :p

You know, this oldest, awkward daughter of yours is too chicken to come up to you and say all this things verbally. But here it is.

Please don’t be too stressed about things, be it work or anything.
Do hug me whenever you feel like you need someone to lean to (I’m not the best hugger but at least I don’t smell bad)
Don’t keep things to yourself, I’d be more than glad to be your listening ear (although giving advice is not my specialty).
Do bother me if you need something, I may be a lazy daughter but I can be useful too!!!
Don’t stop throwing out lame jokes, they are lame, but I love it anyway (this is probably because we share the same sense of humour).

Thank you for being a figure I look up to.
Thank you for all the smile you’ve put on when everyone else were having a bad day.
Thank you for the neverending support and life advice you’ve given.
Thank you for every single thing you’ve done out of love.

I know I never, for even once in my 19-years-life, say things like “I love you” and whatnot. Like you may have known, I’m much of a writing person when it comes to ~sweet~ things.
So, through this writing, I want you to know that I really love you.

Once again, happy birthday Ma, thank you for taking care of me and watching me grow for the past 19 years. I love you!

See you tomorrow!

A Drop of Inspiration

It’s raining outside, with some traces of lightning. Gloomy sky, cold, and I’m blogging while listening to music. What a mellow evening.It’s drizzling now, but I can still hear the  thunder.

Somehow rain –drizzling rain– makes me wonder of random things. Something that makes me giggle, or scared, or happy, or sad, or everything.

I think I’ve just found out why I love drizzle; it gives me bunch of inspirations.

Every drop of rain bears an inspiration, don’t they?

Our Last Year

Last year of school always be the saddest year, isn’t it?

But now I think, beside sadness, I also feel the loneliness. Since we have to prepare for our Ujian Nasional, everyone starts taking a course outside (I am none of them, my parents don’t allow me to take course because I get tired easily and they worry about my health) and they get busier with their own business. I rarely (or never?) say this kind of thing out loud, even if I really want to, but the truth is, I miss that time when we were in our first and second year, when we had more leisure time. When we didn’t really feel haunted by that Ujian Nasional.

We have 8-9 months left to be together. It’s quite big in number, but I bet it will be really fast when we live in it. At first, I thought my high school would be a very very very long journey to make, but after I went trough the past 2 years, I’m surprised that we only have less than a year left to spend our time together. Sometimes I regret for not enjoying those times but grumbling and complaining. Huh, we’ve been fooled by the time, I think?

The (almost) Lost Independence Day

Hari ke-17, bulan ke-8, tahun 2012. Selamat 67 tahun, Indonesia!

Biasanya sih, setiap 17 Agustus, ada suasana independence day. Mau apapun itu, buat saya, selalu kerasa kalau hari itu tuh hari ulang tahun Indonesia.
Tapi entah kenapa, tahun ini saya nggak ngerasa ada atmosfir itu. Entah saya yang kurang nasionalis atau gimana. Mungkin, karena 17 Agustus tahun ini deketan sama Idul Fitri, dan akhirnya yang lebih kerasa euphoria mudiknya.
Setiap saya nonton tv aja, beritanya tentang jalur mudik terus. Nggak tau ya kalau emang kebetulan, tapi dari kemarin saya belum nonton berita tentang 17-an. Paling baru tadi pagi yang tentang paskibraka.

Tahun ini, saya mudik ke Tawangmangu, Karanganyar, Solo. Kamis pagi berangkat, dan pagi ini baru sampai Yogya gara-gara kemarin malam sempat berhenti dan nginep di Purworejo. Kata Papa saya, capek kalau lanjut sampai Tawangmangu.
Tadinya, kami mau lewat Utara, tapi sama Pak Polisi ditutup dan akhirnya jadi lewat Selatan.
Tau apa? Sepanjang jalan, cuma sedikit rumah yang di depannya dipasang bendera. Bahkan, lebih banyak bendera dan umbul-umbul buat nunjukkin rest area atau imbauan tertib mengemudi atau cuma sekedar promosiin suatu produk. Sedih ya.

Saya emang nggak se-nasionalis siapapun yang merasa dirinya nasionalis, tapi miris aja gitu.
Saya nggak tau yang nggak pasang bendera itu males atau nggak punya bendera. Yang jelas, rumah-rumah gede masih banyak juga yang nggak pasang bendera.

Waktu tadi lewat suatu daerah (lupa namanya) ternyata masih ada murid-murid sekolah yang jalan kaki atau naik sepeda buat ke tempat upacara. Yaaa saya juga seneng sih sekolah saya libur dan nggak perlu ke sekolah buat upacara pas lagi puasa, tapi alhamdulillah ya masih ada sekolah yang keukeuh nyuruh murid-muridnya upacara. Saya juga jadi muridnya belum tentu mau panas-panasan jalan ke lapangan terus berdiri sejam, paling bakalan bolos. Hebat deh mereka 😀

Berhubung saya nulis post ini di mobil dan saya suka pusing kalau baca atau ngetik atau yang lainnya di perjalanan, jadi segitu aja deh yang saya tulis.
Post ini nggak bermaksud menyinggung siapapun ya, just a written thought (seperti tagline blog ini :D)

Semoga aja post ini bisa nambah ke-nasionalis-an siapapun yang baca.
Yaa termasuk saya yang ngetik, hehe 😀

Selamat 17-an, Indonesia!

“I Love You.”

Some mean it, but most don’t.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine ended his relationship with a girl. Then, a few DAYS later, he fell in “love” with another girl, while his ex-girlfriend met a new guy.

Every time I open my twitter account, he tweets “I love you” and mention her girlfriend’s twitter account. But, when they are mad to each other, they forget all “I love you”s they’ve said. Once, he tweeted “single is better”, and he tweeted a very bad thing about his girl. What confuse me is,

do they mean those thousands “I love you”s?

Well, how come they say they love each other but when they end their relationship, they just need a few DAYS to “love” another person?

What is love, anyway?